Last Thoughts
by hellsingfan101
Summary: As Amon Goeth awaits his execution he thinks back to his time working the Jews, wanting but not wanting Helen and his time with Schindler. Goeth knows it's too late to change, does he agree or disagree that his actions were wrong? R


**Authoress Note: I know this is a real change from my usual stories, but I got the idea after watching "Schindler's List" a fourth time and thinking about what could have been going through Goeth's head before he was hanged. As well, I know there wasn't a seen when Amon was in a cell before his execution and I thought about doing it as he walking towards his death so to speak. But I thought that it wouldn't be as good to think he thought all of this as he stepped toward the gallow. Anyway, please R&R and hope this is to your liking.**

**Disclaimer: Aside from a copy of the movie, I do not own "Schindler's List".**

September 13th, 1946

I never liked the number thirteen for some reason. I'm not saying this just because today is my execution. I just never did. Yes, I have been proven guilty of "crimes against humanity", for killing many of those Jews and I am part of the National Socialist Party. Sadly, the Soviets' have defeated our glorious German brothers on the front and our Führer, I and other German officials are being hunted by these anarchist wolves. They come after us for helping exterminate this filth? Bah, it doesn't matter anymore, we've lost, and I've lost. I must be going mad, as I pace in this tiny cell, I start reconsidering my previous feelings on those people? Yes, people. They were people, persons. Helen, yes, Helen was a person. I remember when my eyes first met her scared ones. Even though she had no former skills as a maid before I knew she was the one I would choose. Even the way her teeth chattered from the cold and her small hands held together for warmth. Yes, she was the right one. She was quite quiet, even when I simply asked for her name, she had said it three times before it reached my ears.

I asked her _"What is your name?"_

"_Helen Hirsch" _She mumbled

I didn't hear her _"Sorry?"_

"_Helen Hirsh"_

"_What?"_

"_Helen Hirsh"_

Then I heard her. I think the old saying goes: "Third times the charm."

Charm.

Yes, charm, I did not try to charm her. Though she was to my eyes quite beautiful, she was still a Jew. But a part of me wanted to charm her. Now I think back that night I slapped her and began to beat her.

Her hair was damp and as I got closer, she seemed to shiver more.

I stroked her wet hair with the back of my hand.

"_Is this the face of a rat?" _I asked her, even though I knew I would not get an answer.

"_Are these the eyes of a rat? 'Hath not a Jew eyes?'" _I came closer, the gap almost gone between us as my hand moved from her hair to her cheek.

"_I feel for you Helen" _I leaned in a little more and with her eyes closed still, she trembled more than earlier. I drew back

"_No, I don't think so…You nearly talked me into it didn't you, you Jewish bitch?"_

After that, I proceeded to hit her, I knocked her off her feet, but she did not try to get back up or defend herself.

She just took the blows I gave her, without a word or fuss.

Helen, oh Helen. How I wish at times that things could be different. Why did you have to be a filthy Jew? Well, that doesn't matter anymore now does it. Even if I were not about to be executed, you would no longer be my maid, you are Schindler's worker now. Schindler.

He wanted those Jews so desperately. It's made me think he wanted them for more than just working on pots and pans in his business. It may have started as that but now, now it was something else. How he wanted specific Jews and how he would say they are _his_ and how he bought so many with so much of his money.

"_You want these people?"_ I asked, not believing I heard him correct

"_These people" _Schindler answered _"My people. I want my people"_

I imagine Oskar knows what many of us seemed to have forgotten; gratitude. He shows gratitude to them. I know this. He tried to help me realize what gratitude is. His story of the emperor and about what power really was, I remember that moment as well. I was quite drunk and Schindler began telling me this tale.

"_Power is when we have every justification to kill, but we don't"_

I didn't sound convinced _"You think that's power?"_

"_That's what the emperor said" _He told me.

"_A man steals something, he's brought in before the emperor, he throws himself down on the ground. He begs for his life, he knows he's going to die and the emperor…pardons him. This worthless man, he lets him go."_

I scoffed _"I think you are drunk"_

"_That's power Amon" _He smiled _"That is power"_

It sounded ridiculous, but I did try. Honestly, I did.

But, I couldn't.

So now I question myself and sanity. Was what I did, was what I was thinking, was my judgment wrong? Perhaps, but I do not have much time to ponder this. A man is unlocking my door and telling me it's time. I walk out, with the man's pistol aimed at my back, but I do not flinch or cringe in fear. I am not afraid to die and there is nothing more for me now. I await the Reaper of the netherworld. There is another man waiting for us at noose. He barks at me to stand on the stool below the rope. I obey knowing nothing can prevent this now. My hands are still tide and as they hang the rope below my chin. They are now finished with the rope and are ready for my death to commence. At this last time I'm able to speak before my pulse stops and my heartbeat leaves me, before the stool is removed my last two words are this.

"Heil Hitler."


End file.
